Am I Worth It?

 This beautiful post comes courtesy of Mary DeMuth, an author who touches women's souls. Her memoir, THIN PLACES can be found on Amazon. 
Unfortunately, I grew up thinking that if I had worth, it had to do with how I looked. I wish that weren't the case, but I believed it. But I wasn't a cute kid, hardly one you'd look at and say, "Wow, she's striking." I was homely, needy, and thin. I had dark circles under my eyes. (Vestiges of that still clings to me today, so I use concealer).

Regardless of how I felt, sometime around puberty, attention came. That astounds me now, as I was gangly and terribly awkward. And I started that dance of fear, of longing for a daddy and looking for him on the face of boys my age. All I really wanted was for someone to hug me and say, "Everything will be okay." I did not want to be kissed. Or looked at. Just held.

And yet, I needed attention. Relished it. As I grew into myself in late high school and college, the male attention continued. I spent time primping and flirting. I longed for a look, a hint of interest.

But I was so damaged back then, I couldn't receive love. I relied on my looks to receive love, yet I couldn't allow any man access to my heart, so terrified I was to be known, and then hurt.

Today I am loved deeply by a man who is handsome and amazing and smart and deep and spiritual. I revel in that. And yet, I still mourn losing my looks to age. How uncanny is that? I should be embracing the wisdom that comes with age, the beauty of growing a more beautiful soul (thanks to Jesus' interaction with my life). But I think there's still that little girl inside me, equating my worth with how I look. And as I age, I'm afraid.

Will I be loved? Will I have worth?

"Dear Jesus, help me to embrace age. To be okay in my own skin. To equate worth with how You see me, not what I see in the mirror. Rejuvenate my heart today. Make my soul beautiful. Help me to see that skin is simply the outer covering to what is truly beautiful inside--You working in and through me. Forgive me for equating my worth to my own looks, for worrying about getting old. Help me today to be okay with who I am in this moment, wildly loved by You. Amen."


Find Mary at     http://www.marydemuth,     http://www.facebook.com/authormarydemuth
http://www.twitter.com/marydemuth 

HAVE AN UNVALENTINES DAY

 Feb. 2, 2009 – This Valentine’s Day is all about creative thinking as lovers choose candy and cards rather than bouquets and bling. According to IBISWorld, the nation’s most respected independent publishers of industry research, spending will fall to $28.6 billion this holiday – a 4.8 percent drop from last year and a 6.8 percent drop since 2007.

Is it just commercial hype so vendors can up their sales for candy, cards, flowers and what not? What a shame that we even think we need a day to tell people we care about them and love them. Why not do something different this year? Break tradition.Instead of "remembering" those you love dearly (like you could forget them?)...Refuse to celebrate them on Valentine's Day any more than you want to celebrate them all year round.

Go ahead and tell your spouses, daughters, sons, mothers and fathers they are the best thing that ever happened to you but why not start a new tradition and each Valentine's day send a special card to someone in a nursing home or rehabilitation center, women's or men's shelter, orphanage or even someone in the military. Or send a valentine thanking the mail carrier, auto repair shop, barber shop, grocery store,day care or neighborhood fire department to let them know they make a difference in your life. No need to be concerned that they won't know who you are...it doesn't matter. They just need to know that you knew about them.

And to all those who have walked into my life and made my world a better place...You're the Best.

                                                   Happy UnValentines Day.